Wait

Honor your resistance - sometimes no action is the best action of all.

Resistance is something I struggle to honor. I have been known to give in often - almost always by choice - usually I convince myself it is to avoid pain or conflict. Or rather, to resolve something that is unresolved. I dislike uncertainty - it makes me nervous.

I am doing my best to embrace uncertainty - to say, "I don't know" and to be okay with it -yet it is so contrary to my being that I feel a sense of conflict within, another discussion between halves of my brain that say to each other "What you feel is honest and true" "But don't feel that" or "its ok to feel it, just don't act on it". This is something else I am working on. I inherently understand that sometimes we must pretend. We must fake or withhold in order to please ourselves or those around us. In order to "fit in" in order to "have the things that others have" in order to "reach our potential" or "be a good boy". And yet I am ANGRY that I cannot be honest with myself and others for fear someone will take it the wrong way.

TRUTH: Though we are each ultimately alone, we cannot exist as if our actions are not affect by and do not affect everyone around us.

We are part of something. Otherwise we would not be part of anything.

Waiting, patience - these are things I known I need practice on. And it seems to me that perhaps we have to screw things up occasionally to understand what it takes to "get it right" (whatever that means to each of us). In order to appreciate the need for patience, we must see the consequences of impatience in action.

Por ejemplo: I have no patience when it comes to my heart. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? I fall fast and hard - with very little thought about whether its a good idea, how it will turn out, who might get hurt. Once I open myself up to someone I see no reason to play games or put space between us or WAIT the alotted amount of time before calling. "Sometimes, when you love something you just want to be surrounded by it". And yet - often times this whole hearted passion looks eerily like impatience. And what's more is that it can be FRIGHTENING to those who do not have the same viewpoint on affection and trust, openness, time, space, patience :-)

We MUST admit that we live amongst our friends and lovers and we are not the only one whose feelings matter.

I can be as impatient with my feelings as I want - but that CERTAINLY doesn't mean he will be. And this might mean he's "just not that into me" or it could be that he doesn't do things the same way.

Regardless of which it is- both point to one thing: Impatience will get you no where... You'll have an answer alright, but it will not likely be the one you want.

Waiting is hard - but perhaps we must embrace the uncertainty that comes with not knowing and live in it! If we trust in our abilities and our judgement and keep our hearts and minds OPEN then we cannot lose.

Love,

M