At one point in time humans were convinced the earth was the center of the universe and now our concept of the universe is infinite. Belief in something doesn't make it "true" or "real" except to you. But does something being real to you override the fact that outside of your mind things are not the way you think they are. If the difference between possibility and probability is merely belief and belief is subjective to the point that it may allow us to think things that are not real ARE... then how can we ever trust our own judgement? And yet - if we cannot trust our judgement and everyone else's reality is completely their own and potentially 100% different from ours then whose judgement CAN we trust?Is there any way to KNOW anything?
If not, mustn't we believe with total faith in every single thing?
If then, we struggle with belief in things we cannot prove and we cannot prove anything, how are we to ever stop this constant doubt? Are things meant to be doubted so wholly?
Perhaps what is ACTUALLY happening is some sort of amalgamation of all perceptions of the given event added to all potential perceptions -a sort of "best fit line" for the given data... perhaps no one is right and everything we do is only an infinitesimal portion of what is taking place. If I can accept this then I would never feel the need to take things personally. Everyone's feeling and emotions are, then, based on their own inability to understand that their perception is only one infinitieth of "reality". Their anger, jealously, hurt, suffering is merely an emotional reaction to their lack of control over the other innumerable forces and perceptions in play. And what point does this irrational feeling create? More misery. More insecurity. More FEAR.
Do we believe in order to give meaning to otherwise meaningless action? Do we feel so strongly that we are unnecessary that we must believe or else lose ourselves? Or do we truly have purpose? Given the number of perceptions in play... what difference does our single viewpoint actually make?
Here I find my usual problem. I have turned something beyond definition into a game of logic. If faith is by definition irrational then the rules of logic cannot apply. Yet we try. We strive to place a formula on something we don't even have a language for because as humans, as curious beings with a need for what lies beyond our understanding, we seek to know. We want to believe, but most of us are full of doubt, of fear. Fear that the impossible is both possible and probable. Fear that we are wrong. And right. Simultaneously... fear that we cannot find the answers "out there" or in a church or in another being but rather we must look farther to what is currently intangible and unseen. That the answers have been inside each of us all along.
My world, the world that I "know" is in my head. The things I know, my knowledge, my God, my love - they all come from within me, they are each a part of the "me" you see. But I cannot prove it. :-)
Love,
M
