If we are motivated by pleasure/reward and fear, we are hardwired to do so. Part nature, part nurture - since both of these things create our neural pathways that dictate everything from instinct to decision. So how is it that we move beyond fear? How can we release/remove/restructure these pathways to free ourselves from the confines of our own development?
Theories abound, all seeming to fall to one side of the fence or the other:
A) We can literally rewrite our code, erase harmful pathways and associations, replacing them with the desired ones -creating a new network of fear-free responses.
Or
B) We can't. Simply put, we can modify behavior but we can't change the physiology that dictates it.
I like to believe, with most things in life, that I have some control over myself. But I'm not entirely sure I do.
Bias is introduced early - the DNA dictates certain neural networks be established. An entire portion of the brain is devoted to fear responses and floods of neurotransmitters denote reward - an addiction shortly developing in nearly every human for whatever s/he chooses as their source of pleasure, be that money, sex, love, volunteering, food, alcohol, or human approval. And we indoctrinate our children to follow this system - Actions have consequences, so… does the fear of consequence outweigh your addiction for reward? And this "conditioning" begins immediately after birth and continues for most of us until the day we die, dictating every choice we make or do not make. Therein lies the primary fear.
But we are SO "intelligent", we can't even leave it there. The secondary fear then kicks in. We ruminate, stew, fester -[ANXIETY]- over things we can or can't change, wondering - "Did I make the right choice?" until we make ourselves sick: headaches, nausea, vomiting, weight gain, weight loss, ulcers, cancer. And we are paralyzed - stuck in an endless loop with no way out except to carve one with our bare hands.
I often wonder where this duality of thought comes from. Is it the struggle of conscience, two competing neural pathways, the burden of conscious thought? And from there - can it be conquered?
If I love but am afraid to lose love, rather than letting love dictate my actions, I am guided by the combination of my love and fear of losing it resulting in mixed signals, confusion, hurt, and quite likely the loss of said love. I could say the same for life and fear of losing life - or death.
Perhaps fear is the stronger motivator, physiologically. Or perhaps this is the result of our conditioning. If we receive more stimulation from a negative experience then we train our brain to be more afraid of failure than contented by success. An error is aggressively addressed with a "No!" or a spanking. A win is smiled at and then we move on. Is it any wonder why we as adults are subsequently ruled by our fears rather than driven by our accomplishments?
What if we change the paradigm? Teach our children to be appropriately afraid of things like fire and sharks, but for things like falling short of the goal we teach them that it is natural or even celebrate small failures because that means we have found one way that doesn't work, which is progress!
What if we could wire the brain to be motivated by love and not fear??
As a society, we can really help with this. We need to remove the social stigmas associated with things we as a culture, as a people fear most: death, being alone, etc. What would happen if we replaced pity with acceptance and positivity? Now before you dismiss is - I do not mean that we should approach the recently widowed or divorced and say "Oh how wonderful! Congratulations on your loss!" because that could cause pain. Although… the idea of attaching positive reinforcement to standardly negative situations is worth some thought.
But what would happen if we stopped pitying each other for the things that lie out of our (and their) control? By minimizing the fear attached to death, for example, we remove the pain associated with death and it returns to it's rightful place as a natural progression of life. If instead we allow our fear of death, our fear of abandonment, loneliness, consequence to control our every thought and action we destroy our ability to get out of bed in the morning… and it's hard to live in bed.
We may not be able to change the DNA-dictated blueprints we come with. But maybe it's time to do a little remodeling. Take down a few walls and let the light in.
