It's quite simple

We make time for the things we want to make time for.
Anyone who says they are too busy means they have other things they would rather do. Period.
If someone wants to see you, they will.
If someone wants to find the time to read a book or raise a puppy or make a phone call they will.
It's not personal - it's not about you.
Someone may be ignoring you, mistreating you, sure.
More likely... they are simply doing what they feel they need to do to accomplish the things they want to accomplish. And unfortunately, you aren't on that list.
Don't be discouraged.
Someone else WILL put you on the list. And no, you shouldn't sit there and be unhappy. Contrary to many beliefs, life isn't about suffering. It's about dealing with suffering and moving beyond it, raising yourself above it. Choose to be hopeful. Choose to tilt your eyes to the sky and feel the wind on your cheek. Life continues to move and all you have to do is open your eyes and be willing to fly. Scary? Maybe. But it's worth it.
Love,
M

Reunited

Today I rejoined my body.

For years now I have wandering without it - separated. My mind and body have been working together, against each other, struggling to define one another, fighting for dominance.

Today, everything fell into place.

A late night physical excursion brought me into my body, finally. An unexpected affirmation of beauty and love - from the least likely of sources made me feel... beautiful, exceptional, unusual, unique, undefined. A short night's "sleep" followed by an uncertainly about whether I wanted to wake up was met with an early morning yoga class. I've been a part of this class for 5 weeks now - part of my continuous recovery from back surgery, part of my self-enforced therapy. I've been lucky to participate in %60 of the activities in class, back pain, sore muscles, blah blah blah, etc. This morning was unlike any other morning. I arrived, without coffee anticipating a painful and strenuous workout to find my body breathing each movement as if it had never been allowed to move before. each motion, each stretch, each breath was magic, a blessing, an offering for my body, my spirit which was received in the most gracious and open of circumstances. Today I did 96% of the yoga class, pausing only for extreme back bends which gave me pause. Some hindsight allows me to see that it was as much mental as anything - today I wanted to relax, stretch, feel incredible, love myself, open my heart and allow in an alternate perspective. Today was the day I stopped being a victim to the circumstances of my body and instead took a stand and said, "i refuse to hurt. I refuse to feel... less than whole. I want, and I'm going to get what I want".

One thing led to another. All day people were complimenting me - you look so beautiful today - you look so happy, you look so free. It seems I'm not the only one with the ability to detect such changes.

This evening I participated in a lingerie show - a celebration of the human body which I have been petrified of participating in since I was forced to 5 years ago. I've never felt so liberated. I've never felt so comfortable being... indecent..(?) in front of people I didn't know and may never seen again. But they didn't even matter. It wasn't about them - It was about me. Me being comfortable in my own skin. Me feeling like a confident sexual being, me feeling like I am in control of my body - a feeling I haven't felt since my body took such dramatic control 5 years ago.

I realize its not about control - but balance. My mind/soul/spirit and my body/physical being have to work together to create a comfortable living space in which I may exist. But the progress I made in this one single day leaves me speechless with hope and amazement. I feel things are possible that I never thought possible. I feel I am capable of things I never felt capable of. Perhaps My dreams, my goals are not as unrealistic as I may have thought...

I feel reborn, renewed, replenished. Rejuventated, Recycled, reinvented.

I feel new. Beautiful. Confident. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

I will love everyone I can. Continue to give yourself to others - because that is the ultimate satisfaction in life - to love, honor, accept, and appreciate others.

I love you, wholeheartedly, inspite of the fact that you may challenge upset or offend me.

I deserve the opportunity to love you, regardless of what you think - And I DONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

You are what you are, i am what i am and will be what i will be. Period. Unless i choose differently. Which I can, at any time. but your choices cannot be controlled from within me - only mine and I choose openness, love, acceptance, perseverance, beauty, magnetism...

I choose life.

Love,

M

A New Dawn

"The universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever you are is the right place, at the right time. Pain sometimes comes. It is part of the proccess of constantly being born...

Then I will tell you a great secret Captain, perhaps the greatest of all time. The molecules of your body are the same molecules that make up this station, and the nebula outside, that is born in the stars themselves. We are starstuff, we are the universe made manifest, trying to figure itself out. As we have both learned, sometimes the universe requires a change of perspective." b5, s2

The first day of the new year comes to a close. Am I different today than I was the days before? Most assuredly.

Today, again I am born. A new day dawns and with it, as with each day, comes an opportunity to do, to be, to learn. I am here now, tomorrow I have the pleasure of being both here and there and I am thrilled and excited at the challenge as it may be as close to teleporting as I ever get. Phase 17 is about to commence.

This is where I am supposed to be. So I might as well stop wishing I was elsewhere, what purpose does that serve accept to taint my experience here and now with discomfort and uncertainty? I have to find in myself the energy, the courage, the drive to move forward. I have to be strong for myself but I am not alone. I sit and ask the universe for guidance. I trust in myself and try to believe in right and good, the power of love and friendship.

If you and I and the universe are made of the same stuff, then I truly am a star, as much a star as any burning orb of gas, flower, bunny, or ocean. We are all one and none simultaneously, the all and nothing, the only source of meaning and seemingly meaningless. We hold hands together and we are infinitely greater and yet we are the same size as we were before. Everything is within me, all life, energy, power - the entirety of the cosmos exists in each cell, each molecule of my being.

Has the universe shifted with my move in locale? or perhaps, the emotional growth is more expansive and impactful... have I altered the heavens by standing up for myself, opening my mind and heart, letting someone in? Do the joining of hearts, the joining of minds create more order in the universe? If so, it makes more sense that people will gravitate towards solitude as a more entropic and favorable scenario... Can souls merge? Mate? Is a child the product of two combining forces and energies, two questions seeking the answers in each other... generating more data to explore?

How can I alter my perspective to see things my eyes don't know how to see or describe? Can I see things if I do not know they exist? Can I see things from your point of view without being you? Can we ever actually have a different perspective on anything? If the world exists to me as I see it then how can it be otherwise... at least to me? To change perspective, to see things from a different side, in a different light, with new fresh eyes is impossible. I can no more remove my perspective from my mind than I can remove the outer layer of my eyes. So what do we do? If the universe demands a change in perspective, might I just need to open my eyes?

I love you,

Michelle