Patience

Be patient - be willing to pass up good for great.

The mathematician in me thinks there must be an equation by which we can optimize our pleasure to work ratio - the amount of sacrifice as it relates to what we can gain from said sacrifice. Like a best fit line or... maybe similar to changing the radius of a cylinder or the shape a container in order to fit more containers in a box.

It seems to me that life is about optimization. How efficient can we be? How can we make the most of the gifts we have been given, the time we have, the life we have access to? How many lives can we touch while truly LOVING our own life? How can we make proud our parents while fulfilling our dreams? How can we GIVE the most while maintaining a lifestyle that makes us happy? This optimization I think is also known as "balance". At a certain point, price exceeds demand - people are no longer willing to pay for that service... it follows a curve and the optimal point is very small and easy to over or undershoot.

If you give up good things for the possibility of great things, you may be giving up what is good and winding up with things not as good - this is one of the main sources for fear of change, yes? And yet, if you choose not to GO for the great things - you may or may not get them and you have given up your ability to control it.

Things are within your control. Other things are not. Be patient with yourself - sometimes great things come in good packages. Love each other... love life - LIVE life fully and with zest. Go for it.

Love,

M

Pleasure

Do something just for fun - Pleasure is one of life's essential nutrients.

Things that give me pleasure:

Swimming

Sunshine

Sunflowers

Fire (in moderation)

Bright colors

Interesting cloud formations

Learning something new

Understanding something old

Sunset

Sunrise

The way the beach rushes out from underneath your feet with the waves.

Soft skin

picking blackberries

Fresh rosemary

Tree Stars!

Blue water

GREAT music

The way sound moves underwater

Henry street, x2 at the peak of spring at midday

Feeling sexy

The sensation of clean clothes fresh out of the dryer.

The way my hair smells just before it has completely air-dried.

Crisp clean air

Being swallowed by a sweatshirt

The first sip of a great first cup of coffee

The way the air feels, smells and sounds just before it starts to POUR - esp. in the summer.

A book I can't put down.

Snuggling

Being peaceful enough to feel your heart beat

Completing the sunday crossword

Creating!

Cooking

Painting

Hugs

The taste of reallllly green grass! (real grass.)

The smile on the face of a child who has just uncovered mystery!

Candle wax

The exhausted relief that comes from the release of a really great cry.

The way my stomach flips when I reallllly like someone

Bubbles

Hands through my hair

Dancing even if it means looking silly

With so many things that give me joy - there is no reason to be unhappy.

I love you,

M

Connection

Connect with someone special - a loved one is a git to treasure.

What is success without someone to share it with? I watched Jerry Maguire earlier, and as usual I get a little choked up somewhere around "you complete me". The thought of being empty without someone else has been bothering me lately. I have been focused on being "enough" for myself, for finding the love that I can give myself and not needing the approval of those outside of me. And yet, If I am the most loving and caring, fun, beautiful person and no one cares about me, do I still make a sound?

Connection, it seems, is part of what makes us so human. Beyond our basic needs for sex, we humans need company - we die in isolation. What's wrong with helping others realize their maximum potential? Is that not what we were put on this earth to do? Tell me - if I maximize my potential and then I die and no one notices, did I live at all? If my life ceases to have meaning once I've died... what on earth was I doing!? Most people, I believe, are more afraid of not living than of death itself.

I've been inside my head a lot recently - i've been sort of isolating myself... and not because I LOVE to be alone, but rather I have not been as interested in simply going out and connecting with new people. But the only way to ensure I will die alone is to choose to be alone in life. If I want love and affection, I must graciously and without hesitation dole love out to those around me. I have to GIVE in order to receive.

So why I am scared to connect? Why do I all of the sudden hesitate, worry, second guess myself? I haven't had this problem before?

I know behind my current block, I long deeply for a connection I can treasure. Beyond the ones I am already blessed with. I saw a commercial this evening where individuals were represented as being green, only there was one yellow amongst the greens. It was clear that this yellow felt a need to be green, knew what it meant to feel completed and yet it could not disguise its yellow nature. Then it met a blue. And Together, they felt green - they were green. Perhaps some of us need an extra hand feeling green... maybe we need to connect with someone blue in order to see that the green was inside of us all along.

Love,

M

Gratitude

Say Thank you - experience the joy of acknowledging others.

Thank you for showing me how beautiful I am.

Thank you for reminding me that life is precious, beautiful, and full of happiness.

Thank you for your help.

Thank you for the love you've shown me - even when I didn't "deserve" it.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you for distracting me from myself.

Thank you for giving me what I needed to awaken within me the drive and focus I have always possessed and was afraid of.

Thank you for showing me what I don't want, what I'm not willing to put up with, what I need and what settling for something beneath me looks like.

Thank you for giving me the strength to continue in the face of defeat.

Thank you for not judging my faults.

Thank you for seeing the good in everything you see.

Thank you for believing in me when I wasn't sure I could believe in myself.

Thank you for holding my hand, holding my heart and simply being with me.

Thank you for the kindness you've shown me.

Thank you for the gifts and talents I was blessed with.

Thank you for showing me how I might use them.

thank you for not counting me out.

I love you,

M

Silence

Rest your mind - silence is good self-care.

Not thinking about this one... resting. :-)

Love,

M

Wait

Honor your resistance - sometimes no action is the best action of all.

Resistance is something I struggle to honor. I have been known to give in often - almost always by choice - usually I convince myself it is to avoid pain or conflict. Or rather, to resolve something that is unresolved. I dislike uncertainty - it makes me nervous.

I am doing my best to embrace uncertainty - to say, "I don't know" and to be okay with it -yet it is so contrary to my being that I feel a sense of conflict within, another discussion between halves of my brain that say to each other "What you feel is honest and true" "But don't feel that" or "its ok to feel it, just don't act on it". This is something else I am working on. I inherently understand that sometimes we must pretend. We must fake or withhold in order to please ourselves or those around us. In order to "fit in" in order to "have the things that others have" in order to "reach our potential" or "be a good boy". And yet I am ANGRY that I cannot be honest with myself and others for fear someone will take it the wrong way.

TRUTH: Though we are each ultimately alone, we cannot exist as if our actions are not affect by and do not affect everyone around us.

We are part of something. Otherwise we would not be part of anything.

Waiting, patience - these are things I known I need practice on. And it seems to me that perhaps we have to screw things up occasionally to understand what it takes to "get it right" (whatever that means to each of us). In order to appreciate the need for patience, we must see the consequences of impatience in action.

Por ejemplo: I have no patience when it comes to my heart. The heart wants what the heart wants, right? I fall fast and hard - with very little thought about whether its a good idea, how it will turn out, who might get hurt. Once I open myself up to someone I see no reason to play games or put space between us or WAIT the alotted amount of time before calling. "Sometimes, when you love something you just want to be surrounded by it". And yet - often times this whole hearted passion looks eerily like impatience. And what's more is that it can be FRIGHTENING to those who do not have the same viewpoint on affection and trust, openness, time, space, patience :-)

We MUST admit that we live amongst our friends and lovers and we are not the only one whose feelings matter.

I can be as impatient with my feelings as I want - but that CERTAINLY doesn't mean he will be. And this might mean he's "just not that into me" or it could be that he doesn't do things the same way.

Regardless of which it is- both point to one thing: Impatience will get you no where... You'll have an answer alright, but it will not likely be the one you want.

Waiting is hard - but perhaps we must embrace the uncertainty that comes with not knowing and live in it! If we trust in our abilities and our judgement and keep our hearts and minds OPEN then we cannot lose.

Love,

M

Faith

Faith grows when you act without knowing the end result.

Similar questions seem to be surfacing - where do we draw the line between knowledge and faith - can they coexist peacefully? Do we have to see to believe? Or rather - do we have to "know" to believe? Yet faith is defined as belief in the absence of concrete evidence - it is to go beyond the realm we can understand... the way chi meridians are outside of my base of knowledge. Just because I personally don't know something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. In fact to persist that my perspective is the definitive answer on what is and is not real is incredibly egotistical of me. How dare I contend that if I can't see it it doesn't exist. Maybe you CAN see it. Or maybe neither of us can and that's ok...

Maybe it's like being colorblind or blocking out traumatic experiences... maybe we just aren't ready yet - perhaps it's right in front of us and we have no idea what we are looking at - like a Picasso. Or perhaps its more like Monet but inverted... we can only see it when we have made our way UP CLOSE to it. And then there are those of us who look at it and see a clock or those of us who look at a clock and can see what we were looking for. Faith is a mystery to me -I know I possess it, and yet it's hard to pinpoint what I have faith in on a LARGE scale.

Is it true faith if it is easily disturbed? If each question brings we ask calls out entire belief system into question is this a good thing or a sign that we have put our faith in the wrong things. And by wrong, I mean wrong for me. Not necessarily for you, or your parents, or my parents, or my neighbor. If you put your faith in the "wrong" things but can believe them steadfastly are you any less right than I (or vice versa)?

When it comes to faith, is there ever a right and wrong? If so... who has the pleasure/burden of making that decision? I feel as though there are plenty of humans who are prepared to voice their opinion and claim it came straight from their God and there is nothing wrong with this fundamentally because they truly believe that this is true... but If I decide to worship unicorns and put my faith in the fact that unicorns will return one day and rule the earth doesn't mean it is going to happen.

Faith, I have been told, is one way to provide comfort and solace to us in times when there might otherwise be none. This is one of the most basic and universal functions of faith - so how to we put our faith in something we can believe with confidence and the utmost trust? Is it really as easy as putting your faith in the things that GIVE you solace.. and therefore when you need solace, you can turn to your beliefs? We are not alone, we are not to blame, there is a heaven, etc.

Don't misunderstand - I believe some of these things and yet that believe does not halt my questioning and without many others who are interested in discussing such things, I can only write and think and hope that I reach a conclusion. Here we have someone saying - "Stop worrying about the conclusion! Just have faith and you will find peace".

Can you tell me how to do this? How do we just... believe?

Love,

M

Einstein said, "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind," so perhaps they are harmonies to the same song.

Does faith grow if you act without knowledge and the end result turns out to be less than desirable?

Dance

Step into the light - share your gifts and talents with the world.

I suppose there are many of us who wonder why the world should care about our gifts. Not to say we aren't appreciative or that we don't feel blessed to have what we do - but why should other people want to see it, hear about it, or experience it? Isn't there something to be said for humility?

I find myself in an unusual place and this is happening more often these days. I realize more than ever the difference in sharing and giving, pushing and expecting.

I used to love the light - couldn't get enough of it, actually... I was always looking for ways to shine, stand out, impress those around me. I've lost a lot of that edge somehow. Maybe that is a really great thing and yet I can't shake this feeling that something is missing - that I am missing something. It's the same sort of feeling I get when I pull out of the driveway as I leave for vacation. It usually only lasts for a few moments.

Maybe I'm just not ready.

Maybe that doesn't matter.

Maybe it's time to stop making excuses for myself.

Do we have to dance in the light?

Are there others out there who truly want to experience our talents? If so - what gives us the right to deprive them? And yet, if we live in the light in order to please those around us, we may rapidly find ourselves cloaked in shadow.

If the light is a complement to shadow then it follows that we must learn to dance beside the darkness.

Sweetdreams,

M

Courage

Take the leap - Your courage will see you through.

I turned over this card when I woke up this morning... I was nervous about something, worried about making a good impression and being seen as potentially lovable. What is strange is that I seem to be perfectly rational and calm when it comes to most things - I can weigh positives and negatives, contemplate the consequences and make educated decisions. But when it comes to matters of the heart, I lose all ability to think logically. My heart opens easily. NO I'm not saying I'm easy - I'm saying I see the good in people, I see potential in every human: potential for a new and beautiful friendship, the potential to experience another human being, the opportunity to learn about the inner depths of my self and to open the parts of myself I keep so guarded.

Do we ever know who may awaken a passion, a fire within us? And once it has indeed been lit, can it simply be put out if we choose to do so? Feelings just don't seem to be so logical... is the courageous thing to do in this situation to fight against the feelings or give in and experience them?

Regardless of whether it is a relationship opportunity, a job opportunity, or ANYTHING else - the leaping can be difficult -there are so many unknowns! If I jump, will I get hurt? Will I regret my decision?

TRUTH: We will NEVER answer these questions if we choose not to jump.

But if we DO jump, does that mean we WILL know the answers? And if we know the answers, does that make the leap of faith any more or less of a reality. Does it change how valuable it was to make the leap to begin with? Answers, it seems, breed more questions, so would we find these answers to be at all satisfying? Perhaps the courage to jump is enough. Perhaps the lesson to be learned is in the motivation, the self-confidence, the trust in life or in love or in the universe or our god of choice.

Perhaps we are to see the beauty in uncertainty, in the mysterious.

Jumping without knowledge of the result is an act of faith... and yet some will call it ignorant. Perhaps, like everything else, courage is a matter of perspective. But there seems to be one consensus - courage and faith go hand in hand. Have faith, be courageous and JUMP! You'll never fly if you're too scared to leave the ground.

"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

I love you.

Michelle

Trust

Trust your decisions - march to the beat of your own heart.

We know what we need, what we want, who we are. If we want ANYTHING, mustn't we trust that we can and WILL DO IT?!

Something to remember: Each heart beats its own rhythm - I can't march to the beat of your heart anymore than you can march to the beat of mine. This doesn't mean our hearts cannot beat as one - or serve to complement each other, or harmonize... I can FEEL my heart beat; I can't see it, I can't smell it, its a sensation, a pulse, an energy - just like life. Perhaps these energies are one and the same... perhaps though our hearts beat differently, they all run off the same life-force.

What does the beat of your heart feel like? Can you feel when external sources alter the beat?

Trust your feelings - your instincts and, by extension, your decisions. You know what is good for your heart - infact you may be the only one who does. So if you don't fight for what you desire, who will?

“To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.”

Bernard Edmonds

I Love you,

Michelle

Tenderness

Speak tenderly to yourself - cherish the child within.

I often think I got it backwards. I was incredibly precocious as a child - always wanted to grow up, be older, work. I stayed in from recess to do box after box of worksheets - math, english, whatever I could get my hands on - I craved knowledge. I wanted to understand everything: the way things were, the reason they were, how you could interact with them, what THAT meant - EVERYTHING. The only thing that didn't make sense to me was other people! :-) Kids were mean - adults, it seemed, were patient and understanding and willing to help! They wanted us to learn and grow and build and create! I wanted to be just like them instead of the kids on the playground who pulled your hair and called you names. I seem to have always been "beyond" that.. or at least sneakier about it.

Somewhere around age 19 I rebelled against myself and decided to enjoy my childhood! Only... I was now at an age where being "childish" was inappropriate. And I momentarily let that deter me.

Only.... here's the thing. Sidewalk chalk - is good for you! And using it outside in the sunshine means you get more vitamin D so... there's that. Laughter, playtime, NAPTIME! open eyes, curiosity, passion for life - these are things I identify as some of the best things about childhood and I'm not willing to give any of these up.

If I look carefully - the only thing I was forgetting was the laughter. Why take things so seriously all the time?! I'm not saying we should be reckless - but if we trust ourselves to make good decisions and do what WE feel is "right" then we should let go and laugh! Take care of yourself and be gentle.

I think most of us are still children at heart.. we are hurt just as easily and we crave knowledge, love, and attention. We just think we're all grown up...

Love,

M

Action

Take action - the journey to find your lost self begins with one step.

If you want something that you don't have, you must go somewhere that you haven't been. Even in video games!

Sometimes I wonder if, like in this painting, we can step off the stairs and into another world. The scarier way to say that is falling into the sky I guess.. :-) Perhaps this one step we take really does transform our world - and maybe it is rather "violent" in nature - perhaps the shock we receive from moving forward can feel like falling into the sky.

What is the difference between falling and flying? Is it, like so much in life, a matter of opinion, of perspective? If we jump with fear will we fall? More importantly, how can we take flight?

For creatures that cannot fly, not only does the action of flight defy gravity, it defies our physiology and everything we profess to be "true" or "the way it is". In order to fly we would need to create wings... perhaps that is a good outlet for our creative mind! :-) However, first we would have to alter the way we think. Otherwise we can create as many sets of wings as we wish but we will never believe they will work so we will never even try them on, much less USE them!

Actions stem from thoughts - We must choose in order to act (with few exceptions). But beware your own thoughts - make an educated decision or trust your instincts and then simply DO IT. JUMP! You may be surprised to learn you already have wings.

Love,

M

Creativity

Express your creativity - delight in the mystery of your inner muse!

CREATE: (Verb).

1.	to cause to come into being, as something unique that would not naturally evolve or that is not made by ordinary processes.

2.	to evolve from one's own thought or imagination, as a work of art or an invention.

3.	Theater. to perform (a role) for the first time or in the first production of a play.

4.	to make by investing with new rank or by designating; constitute; appoint: to create a peer.

5.	to be the cause or occasion of; give rise to: The announcement created confusion.

6.	to cause to happen; bring about; arrange, as by intention or design: to create a revolution; to create an opportunity to ask for a raise.

I love that theater has its own special definition of creation. :-) As in, to create a character, to form a new human essence based on the world and words of another. Interestingly enough, I believe we do this all the time. In fact, I would say that the vision of ourself we present to the world is merely a character we have created to star in the story of our life. Some of us find ourselves on Broadway for years and become parts of culture, society, humanity on the whole -that is the IMPACT we manage to have on our surroundings. Others of us never make it off the shelf - we have created a story that we either chose not to share or others chose not to read. This, I imagine, is the loneliest way to live. If a story is not read - does it exist? :-) Topic for another time, perhaps!

We have the INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY to create and recreate ourselves with every breath, every word, every gesture, move, action. We can write the story of our lives if we choose. And we should be creative with our story! Now, I don't mean you can choose to live on Mars and ride unicorns (although.. that sounds quite fun!) - but you can certainly live on a different planet :-) Some of us already do.

In every moment, we choose - whether to eat, and if you eat, what do you eat? When to get up - whether or not to shower, whether or not you brush your teeth. These things we decide so often that many of these choices seem instinctual. I get up, I brush my teeth, clean my body, put on clothes, eat, work, sleep, repeat. And yet - nothing forces us to makes these decisions. We can chose NOT to do any of these things, but as with any choice there are consequences. Consequences are not necessarily a bad thing, although the word itself seems to be associated with a certain stigma. Something happens and then something else happens. If, then. Logic -not punishment.

The inner muse gives us the ideas for our story, but it is up to us, the author to chose which of these lovely sentiments make it into the book! We may hear - "be upset! Get Angry! Take it personally!" and we should hear it, because chances are these responses are based in "our truths" (whatever they may be for each of us). However, we do not have to act on every one of our muse's ideas.

I like the first two definitions of "create" listed - you can take what you already have (i.e. your thoughts and feelings) and use those to bring something new and/or unique into being. It is said that nothing is new anymore, we merely manipulate ideas, thoughts and simply or build upon them and this too is creation, invention!

That said. I still have the urge to create something outside of myself, something with greater relevance and deeper meaning - a book, an opera, a painting, a symphony! But perhaps this is not my story. Perhaps I am not a broadway musical - maybe I am the show at a local theater that the same 10 people see every week. Perhaps I reach fewer people on a more profound level rather than mass exposure on a superficial level. I don't know. I won't know until I die, methinks.

I want to create a beautiful, intriguing existence for myself. This is what I will create - how I get there... that's another story.

Love,

M

Rejuvenation

Get a good night's sleep - Rejuvenate your body, mind, and spirit.

I waited a couple of days to think on this topic - figuring I would sleep well soon and could reflect on how wonderful it felt and how rejuvenated it made me feel! Only I have yet to have a good nights sleep. My nights are filled with active, stressful dreams... life-threatening situations, matters of great personal, national, ecological significance. Nothing terrifying per se, but probably part of what is hindering my ability to sleep. That coupled with limited activity - or limited energy expenditure makes sleeping mildly difficult. Plus I've had some things on my mind.

Perhaps dwelling on why I'm not sleeping is limited - Something is going on and figuring it out is helpful if it provides release. I think the trick is to maximize the effectiveness of my awakened hours. If I am effective with how I use my time when awake then I will have no choice but to sleep when sleep comes. In order to sleep, it would help to become sleepy rather than just existing all day long and then hoping to get tired.

I've been trying to balance physical and mental exertions in a hope of finding that space where this entity called the mind and its physical house and interpreter the body live in peace together.

TRUTH: I can no longer live my life as I have been living it - it is proven that this way of life does not work for me. If I wish to find harmony within my self and my environment, I must change my lifestyle... DRASTICALLY!! This is a little scary... in the face of change, we find ourselves staring into the possibility of failure. BUT! What is our other option? If we do nothing, we will surely fail. So the choice is to either do nothing different and achieve the exact same results or make the change - alter our lifestyle drastically and find the harmony we seek.

Maybe THIS is the rejuvenation I'm looking for - a way to renew my faith, trust, love - a way to reclaim my childhood dreams of harmony and happiness. If it is what I hope for, it is most certainly worth it. So I'll go for it!

Love,

M

Truth Part II

My truth(s)

Truth: Not taking things personally doesn't mean feelings don't get hurt...

Truth: Just because I don't want you doesn't mean I want you to be with someone else - especially when I can see that she is bringing you down.

Truth: Just because I want to be okay with it, doesn't mean I am - YET.

Truth: I want to believe, but I find it difficult - I can't seem to stop asking questions.

Truth: I feel like I have SO much to give, and yet I can't seem to figure out how to GIVE IT!

Truth: I've always been jealous of thin, beautiful girls.

Truth: My brain works differently than most other people.

Truth: I'm an addict - I will always be recovering, I will always notice addictive behavior in others and because I've been there and made it to the other side, I have a shortened tolerance for those who choose to remain in the middle of their nightmares.

Truth: I love being taken care of, but need to take care of someone else.

Truth: Words can be incredibly powerful, but music is universal and full of truth. A cello cannot say one thing and mean another - unlike a person.

Truth: Life is worth it.

Truth: What is true today will be considered false tomorrow - that is the nature of knowledge.

Truth: We know nothing about what we don't know.... and we don't know much about what we do know either - we just have a large group of assumptions we have put our faith in.

I don't trust my brother - I may never trust him again. He has perfected the art of pathological lying to further one's selfish needs. I have no right to judge - except that I've experienced what he went through and come out the other side. I know its possible to make it through- but I know that it takes courage and the desire to choose a better life, to live "better".

I still love you even though you love another. How? Loving you makes me happy... you make me happy. I know I need to move on and I have in some respects, but you will always be in my heart. HOWEVER. You lied to me. You probably "didn't want to hurt me" but what you did is precisely that... Though its my fault, because I let you.

I am smarter than this. I SHOULD be. But I let someone convince me that no one wanted a smart girl - and I got into trouble to prove that I wasn't as good as he thought I was. I actually thought if I could show him that I was normal then we could be together. How naive, and how silly. He just wasn't that into me - and he thought he was saving my feelings but instead I made choice after choice based on a lie I was told under the guise of love.

Truth? I actually sacrificed my integrity and my intelligence to please a boy. And somewhere along the way, I got lost.. I became confused and convinced myself that I didn't want to be smart and I didn't want to be healthy. Or perhaps that I wasn't as important as the people I was trying to love, trying to help. I listened to myself and got sick. I've been sick for years now and the whole time I've been blaming someone, something else.. but the TRUTH is that I let myself get here. I may have had help, but that just means I was too weak, too stupid, too hopeful to believe in the negative power of another being - or words. I couldn't see through the lies - I wanted so badly to believe that people have the best interest of their friends at heart. I wanted so badly to BELIEVE that people are generally good at heart... but we're not. We are selfish. Even those of us who claim not to be - in fact - more often than not those of us "fighting for others" are only doing it to further our own desires.

I had a good friend- we grew together closely and quickly... 3 months after we met I went back to school a thousand miles away and she found out she was 5 months pregnant. I flew home and held her hand - I didn't agree with her choices, but I stood by her as a friend and I watched as she struggled through that experience. I'll never know how it affected her - we talked often but I had to return to school thousands of miles away from my friends. I grew very depressed - my mother thought I had the abortion. Within a couple of months she stopped talking to me - within a year she was sleeping with my brother... I don't judge her, I never have - for anything except the fact that I was there for her, ALWAYS, regardless of what she needed and she couldn't be bothered to return the favor.

Truth: I often feel as though I'm in a one-way relationship.

Truth: I've recently found that my expectations of human-interactions are either too high or I'm surrounded by the wrong humans.

Truth: Sunflowers are beautiful... like mathematics, infinity, plant cells, solar flares.

Truth: I AM the smart girl -I just forgot that that was ok. Not only ok - but HOT. Sexy.

Truth: I need someone to think I'm beautiful - I'd love to get this satisfaction from myself, but I realize I am limited and very critical when it comes to my body.

Truth: I am easily deceived - my heart is too open.

Truth: I trust others with far greater ease than I trust myself.

Truth: I want more. I want better.

Truth: I don't understand romance, love, or sex.

Truth: After I let myself down, the opinions of others began to matter less and less.

With my eyes finally open, I expect my truths to change. I am no longer willing to lie to myself. Its time to tell the truth and seek the truth in others. Surround yourself with those who love you enough to be honest. Honesty is far harder than faking a smile.

I love you,

Michelle

Truth, Part I

Tell the truth - integrity is the key to living an authentic life.

Part I of this two-part installment is my thoughts on the card, the phrase, the insight, the concept of the day - TRUTH. Before speaking my truth(s) out loud, or online as it were, I must first decide how I feel about the truth and whether or not I even know what the truth is. In part 2 I will Tell the truth, in an attempt to open myself up to the things I know and believe. I will try to decode my own lies and say what I mean, "Say what I need to say".

Are truth and integrity synonymous always? Must one speak truth if the only outcome is pain? Where do we draw the line between being truthful and being helpful? Or is this simply the way we convince ourselves that lying is alright?

The truth may set you free - but what does it do to those around you, and if you speaking the truth alienates everyone you love... what good is that?

Perhaps being true to yourself is more important? If we can find the strength to trust in our own abilities, our own decision-making skills then perhaps we can access the strength to share with others what no one else will - the things they need to hear.

Can we handle the reciprocation, though? If we dish is out, we best be prepared to receive it back ten-fold - so are we ready to hear the things no one else will tell us? Can we stomach hearing that we are too judgmental or inaccessible? Can we handle hearing our closest companions say they don't feel comfortable around us, cannot open up to us for fear of dismissal?

Why are we so quick to claim we WANT truth when most of us are "happier" experiencing this ignorance that we have surrounded ourselves with? And yet - when we KNOW that we live in a fantasy land we experience a deep and profound discord... not necessarily even one we can put our finger on just a general unhappiness, a nagging feeling of wrong.

Is clearing your conscience at the expense of others a show of integrity or selfishness? Who are we responsible to, who are we responsible for? Can we truthfully serve anyone if we cannot manage to serve ourself? Can we actually help another if we are consumed by lies and avoidance? Confrontation is not pleasant... few people enjoy it, and those who DO enjoy it, do so for different reasons - they do not seek truth, they crave confrontation, dissent, drama, unrest. It is natural to desire peace both within and beyond ourself - is truth, perhaps, they way to achieve that harmony?

Is love truth?

Perhaps at its most honest, its most open. TRUE love is truth - maybe thats how it acquired the name :-) Truth telling is the way we show that we have nothing to hide, no fear of their judgment, no need to impress at the risk of deception.

And if we don't KNOW what is true? Then what? How do we navigate a life when there are so many different paths to take? How can we impose our thoughts on truth onto anyone else. If we do that, we are no better than the people we regard as ignorant - for isn't putting our truths above another person's truths a mere matter of opinion? Perhaps "truth" is a far more fluid concept than we have been taught. Truth is opinion - people group themselves based on common "truths" - which is GREAT, until they begin to persecute or even judge others for the inconsistencies they find.

And yet.. If no one is wrong, are we all right? If nothing is absolutely true, then is anything? Outside of us, we never KNOW anything. We cannot know another person, another concept to be true - we can guess, educated or otherwise, but to believe is to have faith in the things you cannot prove to be true. This does not make them universal truths, only personal truths and we must be open to the notion that our personal truths may change.

Perhaps that is the only truth.

Love,

M

Time

Schedule a sacred date with yourself - you deserve time for your life.

Time is a most fascinating concept, something we feel passing us by.

Time is something we created to help explain what we couldn't understand and to give us more hope that our life has a larger meaning - that it is part of a larger picture.

Time, like money, has only the power we give it... and yet if everyone around us uses time to gauge progress then even if we choose to ignore it we are subject to its implications.

What we choose to do with our life, our time is up to us. We can manipulate time itself!

By being more or less productive with each passing moment we can stretch or shrink each minute - and one moment can impact all others in your future.

Or, you can use time to erase pain. Or happiness....

Time dilutes emotion, and thank goodness or some of us would find ourselves still held captive by a bad decision, a moment of stupidity, the influence of someone who only desires our pain.

But time is only an easier way to say, "you'll work through it, you'll figure it out..."

Sometimes we don't yet have what we need to "see". We may not be able to tell why something happened, what we're supposed to do about it... but in "time" all things become clearer - or we slowly forget about them.

These days we spend so much time thinking about others - what they ought to be doing, how they make it look so easy, how they could "do that to us!"... How productive is this way of thinking?

Is it not, perhaps, a better use of our time to think of our life in terms of us? How can we help them? What do we have to offer? How can I move beyond them - to a place where their deception and selfishness will not affect me? How can I alter my thinking to better suit my needs? How can I get the most out of each moment?

Can I alter the rules of time?

Love,

M

Help

Ask for help - Receiving is an act of generosity.

If an offer of help is genuine, it is ALWAYS helpful.

This is only if we can open ourselves up to outside assistance.

It is all too easy to overestimate our abilities - to believe that we are self-sufficient and capable of succeeding on our own.

Truth?

No man is an island. There is a reason why the elderly can die shortly after the loss of their life-long mate. If we were intended to live in isolation we would not have the capacity to love or even communicate. We don't need to hear ourselves speak (contrary to many popular opinions) - but we DO find the sound of another voice to be soothing. It is why we respond so to the singing voice of our mother, no matter how unique.

Loneliness, as it turns out, has a physiological equivalence and impact. Those who feel loved more easily maintain their will to live - they can combat disease better... they have REASONS for living and these reasons are almost always wrapped up in another human.

To ask someone for help is admitting your mortality - it is giving in to the finite nature of our existence... what we often forget is that our need for help is an opportunity for someone else to be our savior. By allowing ourselves to receive support, we invite another to become a part of us. See: Biology - receptors; open receptors allow for the acquisition of information. Without an open port, ships may not dock, yes? Let's see how many more metaphors I can cross!

Sometimes, we need to help others in order to FEEL something ourselves. The reasoning behind it is personal and individual... and yet, it seems to be fairly universal - this need to interact, to give in order to receive. But even the strongest of us won't be strong forever.. at some point, we all need someone. And if we can just REACH OUT - Admit we could use a little help... we will be surprised to find that others are out their waiting with anticipation for the opportunity to give.

I love you.

M