If I only had a...

Heart.

Brain.

I get squished for going out of my way to help - to make others' lives as pleasant as possible.

Instead of making my own life as pleasant as possible I focus on how to help others - and it seems as though I wind up feeling like I spend a lot of my emotional currency and am not refilling it. Now I realize this could be entirely in my head - thus, If I can find a way to replenish my own heart by filling others' then I shouldn't be having this problem.

So why is it, then, that doing these things for others is unfulfilling? Why am I not finding any satisfaction? Am I helping the wrong people - or perhaps I am helping them in the wrong ways...?

Is there a right and a wrong way to love someone? Is there a wrong way to help someone? And can you do both at the same time? Is it possible to help someone by loving them? If so - must it then truly be a selfless act of affection?

Self-Respect

Respect yourself - You're the best judge of what's right.

Perhaps Right is subjective. In which case, it makes complete and total sense that what is 'right" to me may be wrong to you. But I cannot live by what YOU consider right. This is my life. I have been raised in a certain set of environmental and societal circumstances. They have shaped the way I think, how I feel, my default settings - let's say. The thing about default settings is once you know you have the power to change them its just a matter of clicking a few buttons and resetting some passwords.

What if my definition of right is actually wrong? Isn't this also the age old question in conflicting religious ideologies? If everyone is right in their own mind - that doesn't mean that outside of them they are actually correct. Is it appropriate to assume we are correct in order to encourage faith within ourselves in our own beliefs? Or, rather, is it inappropriate to impose our ideas of what is right upon others. Some even go as far as to say, I am right, they are wrong, and it is my right, nay my responsibility as an enlightened individual to share my knowledge of life or money or God with the entirety of the world - the heathens, the unenlightened, the poor - they NEED us to show them the way. Is this presumptuous? Or is it our responsibility to help everyone we can by opening their eyes? Or are we, rather, the ones whose eyes are sealed shut?

Through our determined and focused faith we have narrowed our sight. We had to in order to divert so much personal energy and attention towards the subject of our faith... but isn't it possible that in making a decision and choosing to see this path as the right one we have inadvertently closed so many other doors? If we choose to narrow our view and no longer keep our religious, spiritual, psychological options open might we close the door on what is universally "right" or are we merely being indecisive at that point?

How do we ever know if we are right? And if we cannot ever truly know - must we simply have faith? if it is right to us and we believe in it and that belief strengthens us and makes us braver and more courageous in the face of adversity - how can we deny it? How can we claim that it has no use?

Why is knowing so important to us? Why have we become so keen on empirical evidence? Why must some of us not only SEE it but taste it and touch it before we believe that it is real and not out to get us? Why are we humans so generally cynical?

Love you,

M

Chin Up, Young person.

When we get excited about a new relationship - friendship, romantic, or professional, some of us do silly things.

Why is it that we allow others to get under our skin?

Why can we feel completely confident one moment and then so out-of-control the next?

Why do we let the opinion of another human rattle us?!

And if someone makes us so uncomfortable - so nervous- makes us doubt the attractiveness of our person or the strength of our spirit, is this productive or destructive? Can we be attracted to someone and care so much about their opinion that we lose confidence in ourself?

Certainly. But why?

Assumptions we make about how someone sees us can really get us into trouble. If we assume that someone is feeling a certain way or seeing us in a certain light and it calls into question our very identity we can become crazy. We can think and analyze and postulate and ultimately destroy ourselves. It is not the fault of the other party that we assume and extrapolate.. it is our own. But how can we avoid this when we invest ourselves in the feelings of another? How do we love without thought of reciprocation. And by this, I do not mean I love you so you must love me... but rather, I give of my love and this makes me happy - yes - but it also makes me happy to have that love received with love in kind.

Here, too, we come across another possible hindrance. What if our love IS received with love, what if it is even returned and their is mutual desire to foster a relationship? Isn't it possible that we might not see it that way?

You and I speak differently, we love differently. You see my love and think you return it and yet I cannot see it. I am anticipating that you will return love in the manner I understand.

I can actually think you couldn't possibly be less interested, when in reality you are crazy about me but we aren't saying it the same way...

The only responsibility you can take in a relationship is for your half. I cannot control you any more than you can control me - I cannot MAKE you love me, I cannot force you to open your heart to me and let me in. All I can do is love you with my whole heart and trust that you will not intentionally hurt me. Beyond that, I can NOT assume to understand what you are feeling or what you need.

Communication really is key. But not only with others... we MUST communicate with our self and most importantly we have to be honest with ourself and not let the neuroses get the better of us.

Don't let paranoia get the better of you - not only is it unattractive, but it is uncomfortable and unpleasant to experience. WHY would you WANT to be unhappy, confused, worried? Can it be avoided?

Yes. Confidence. Trust. Love.

We must trust ourselves and our instincts - Love everyone we want to love and understand that some people will not appreciate it and others won't return it.. sometimes both. But this isn't about our love - it isn't about us at all. We are wonderful. If we can't believe that, will anyone else? Some people don't get it, won't get us. Stressing about that doesn't make them understand us at all... in fact it usually pushes them away. People who are confident and who show love generally receive love. And if you're a statistics kid, just think about how much your odds increase when you increase the amount of love you send out!

Keep your head up - keep your heart open.

To guard your heart is to agree that others can bring you down. It is to say, "You Win - I guess I simply won't love people until they have shown they deserve it". Is this truly love?

Is it intelligent to guard yourself - to be hesitant, cautious even when it comes to your heart? Perhaps that boils down to your personal definition of courage. Is it courageous or stupid to put yourself out there if it means there is a good chance you will get hurt? If the chance you MAY get squished increases, and you give of yourself in spite of that (or perhaps because of that) does that make you more courageous or just plain silly?

I just don't know how to NOT love someone because I shouldn't.

I can't simply not give my heart away because it might be given back without another thought.

It's not in my blood. But I don't have to let that get the best of me.

So we keep our heads up, look forward and move.

We love as often as we can and have confidence that our love will touch someone.

And we stay honest. We don't assume that we know what someone else thinks - or how they love.

Be Courageous :-)

Love,

M