Why is it that we allow others to get under our skin?
Why can we feel completely confident one moment and then so out-of-control the next?
Why do we let the opinion of another human rattle us?!
And if someone makes us so uncomfortable - so nervous- makes us doubt the attractiveness of our person or the strength of our spirit, is this productive or destructive? Can we be attracted to someone and care so much about their opinion that we lose confidence in ourself?
Certainly. But why?
Assumptions we make about how someone sees us can really get us into trouble. If we assume that someone is feeling a certain way or seeing us in a certain light and it calls into question our very identity we can become crazy. We can think and analyze and postulate and ultimately destroy ourselves. It is not the fault of the other party that we assume and extrapolate.. it is our own. But how can we avoid this when we invest ourselves in the feelings of another? How do we love without thought of reciprocation. And by this, I do not mean I love you so you must love me... but rather, I give of my love and this makes me happy - yes - but it also makes me happy to have that love received with love in kind.
Here, too, we come across another possible hindrance. What if our love IS received with love, what if it is even returned and their is mutual desire to foster a relationship? Isn't it possible that we might not see it that way?
You and I speak differently, we love differently. You see my love and think you return it and yet I cannot see it. I am anticipating that you will return love in the manner I understand.
I can actually think you couldn't possibly be less interested, when in reality you are crazy about me but we aren't saying it the same way...
The only responsibility you can take in a relationship is for your half. I cannot control you any more than you can control me - I cannot MAKE you love me, I cannot force you to open your heart to me and let me in. All I can do is love you with my whole heart and trust that you will not intentionally hurt me. Beyond that, I can NOT assume to understand what you are feeling or what you need.
Communication really is key. But not only with others... we MUST communicate with our self and most importantly we have to be honest with ourself and not let the neuroses get the better of us.
Don't let paranoia get the better of you - not only is it unattractive, but it is uncomfortable and unpleasant to experience. WHY would you WANT to be unhappy, confused, worried? Can it be avoided?
Yes. Confidence. Trust. Love.
We must trust ourselves and our instincts - Love everyone we want to love and understand that some people will not appreciate it and others won't return it.. sometimes both. But this isn't about our love - it isn't about us at all. We are wonderful. If we can't believe that, will anyone else? Some people don't get it, won't get us. Stressing about that doesn't make them understand us at all... in fact it usually pushes them away. People who are confident and who show love generally receive love. And if you're a statistics kid, just think about how much your odds increase when you increase the amount of love you send out!
Keep your head up - keep your heart open.
To guard your heart is to agree that others can bring you down. It is to say, "You Win - I guess I simply won't love people until they have shown they deserve it". Is this truly love?
Is it intelligent to guard yourself - to be hesitant, cautious even when it comes to your heart? Perhaps that boils down to your personal definition of courage. Is it courageous or stupid to put yourself out there if it means there is a good chance you will get hurt? If the chance you MAY get squished increases, and you give of yourself in spite of that (or perhaps because of that) does that make you more courageous or just plain silly?
I just don't know how to NOT love someone because I shouldn't.
I can't simply not give my heart away because it might be given back without another thought.
It's not in my blood. But I don't have to let that get the best of me.
So we keep our heads up, look forward and move.
We love as often as we can and have confidence that our love will touch someone.
And we stay honest. We don't assume that we know what someone else thinks - or how they love.
Be Courageous :-)
Love,
M
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