Support

Offer your support to someone - experience the joy of serving others.

I had a bad day a couple of days ago - I was feeling an unusual bout of helplessness... a sensation I have experienced often with this illness. I realize I am healing and physically I am feeling much better - am getting around better, am able to do more and am even attending my biology class with relative ease.

Yet there are moments... brief moments where I lose faith. In what? People, humanity, love, my self.

I have had trouble asking for help in the past -truly asking and REALLY accepting someone's help. I was raised to believe I could do anything - and I made my self believe it.

There are things in life we cannot do alone. We simply aren't capable. Or perhaps we COULD if we had to..? I don't know. I'd like to think I could have made it through this alone- and yet I cannot imagine having to do it. What do you do if something happens and you don't have anyone?!

Does some part of us give of ourselves to others on the off-chance we ever need anyone? Do we realize early the unpleasantries of having to do it all yourself and see that to have the help of another is not weak, it is open and intimate?

This bad day, I became overwhelmed briefly, trapped in my thoughts and I wondered what I could do to "fix" my current situation... how could I make it better? Could I make it better? and I came to see that I didn't know what to do... but I was willing to find out. So I opened my heart and I asked. Who did I ask? I don't know. Perhaps it was God - or the universe. Or maybe I simply asked for help from myself. For reasons I can not yet explain this was the answer : "Offer your support to someone - experience the joy of serving others".

And I cried.

Because of all the answers I was anticipating.... this was the one that had the least amount to do with "me". This answer was about others. This answer told me to seek myself in another's eyes. To find my solace within the joy and happiness of another - something I was not anticipating...

This requires a placement of trust in karma or the universe or the circle of life - this requires you to give unselfishly to other people who may or may not appreciate it, and NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY if they do not reciprocate. How can you protect your heart if you open it so to the will of others? Should we protect our hearts? Are they ours to protect? and If not us... then who?

Love,

M