Independence

Decide for yourself - Exercise your right to choose.

It is time or me to reclaim control over my own life. I get stuck figuring out where to put the walls. Without walls, people have the freedom to move in and out of our lives at will. They have the opportunity to run right into us over and over. Or run us over, perhaps. But we have to GIVE them this power. On some level I understand that and yet I have some skewed view of what people are capable of. If I trust in others not to hurt me, is it my fault when they do hurt me? Didn't I decide to let them?

I'm trying to be the bigger person and forgive. If I decide to forgive - then I am exercising my right to choose... and I choose to allow someone or something that may be dangerous for me closer and closer. Doesn't that seem ... wrong? Should I not, rather, choose to do what is in my best interest? Is it selfish to protect my heart? Will I be able to truly reconcile myself with a decision if I cannot really get behind it? Will I be able to forgive if I cannot forget - will I end up regretting that I didn't put myself first?

And yet... what if I can create good through my forgiveness? What if forgiving shows someone that "it is ok". . . that they are worthwhile and even though they made a mistake, they are still worthy of love - that everyone is worthy of love -not in spite of their flaws but because of them...

No. I will not let myself be bullied. I am worth more than that. I deserve love too - some people you can help but you cannot help everyone - some people do not WANT help. They just use people up and move on. Why? not sure - and I will work on that after I learn how to teleport.

Someone who makes a mistake but is clearly trying is one thing - but what do we do with those people who think they are simply entitled to your love, appreciation and affection. They are under the impression that your energy and time are available to them at any time without need of reciprocation - relationships are supposed to be about mutual admiration and respect, no? Don't you have to give a little to get?

I choose to love myself. I choose to respect my time and energy. I choose to seek relationships with those who are interested in my well-being.

So why don't I feel better?

It is time for me to reclaim my life. I decide to choose happiness.

Love,

M